ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
