i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
