it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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