you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
