it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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