we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize