Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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