What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize