dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
