So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
