i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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