Yo dont text me then not text me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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