my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize