Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
