Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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