Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
