ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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