Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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