bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
