but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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