I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
