Can Purell be used as lube?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
