my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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