so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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