I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
