Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
