I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize