i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
