guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize