i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
