do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
