fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
