She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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