ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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