Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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