I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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