well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
