Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
