ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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