I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
