JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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