Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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