My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
