So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
