Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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