apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
