ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
