I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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