I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
