i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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