I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
