Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
