I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize