my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
