Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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