I think I won the penis lottery.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
