i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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