I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize