My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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