I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
