They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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