Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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