I CAN MOONWALK!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
