she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
