im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
