I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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