Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize