Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
