if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
