College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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