I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
