I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We got so high we made milksteak
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
