He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
