I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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