I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
