i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
