I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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