I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
