I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
