There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
