No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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