fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
