I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
