Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
