So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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