Having a random hookup so left but love u
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
