Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
