Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
