I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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