I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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