do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
