it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
