I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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