Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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