I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
