Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can't motorboat a personality
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
