Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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