once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
