So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
