I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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