gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
