I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
