i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize