this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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