i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
