either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
